THIS IS YOUR LIFE FRED 

Fred, I know you thought you were here today for a colonoscopy, but that will have to wait because Fred, This is Your Life. 

--What? 

--Yes Fred. I’m Ralph Edwards, the host of the show, and indeed Fred, This is Your Life. Please have a seat on the exam table over there and we will get started. 

Yes Fred, your life began at an early age and when you were four years old a neighbor pulled you out of a muddy river that you told him you were trying to drink. 

In school you were not a particularly good student, in fact you spent more time wearing a dunce hat than any other student. You did, however, have a semblance of talent in art classes. You won a third-place ribbon at a high school art fair for your ceramic piece that you called -a thing you found behind a Wendys.  

In college you specialized in collages made from scrap meat and felt. When it became eminently clear that you had absolutely no artistic talent whatsoever you thought that you would make an excellent air traffic controller or security supervisor at a nuclear power plant. You applied and were hired on at the nuclear plant. 

And Fred, besides your withered left arm it seems you had a successful career at the nuclear plant. 

Well Bob, I’m not …. 

Its Ralph not Bob, but please continue 

OK, as I was saying we moved to Wyoming after the flood when my cat fell.. 

Fred, Fred, what are you talking about? 

I thought you asked about the time my wife was institutionalized and the cat.. 

No Fred. Perhaps you had a few too many years at the nuclear plant and the old neurons got microwaved just a bit. 

Well, I wish all of those who couldn’t make it to the parade to know that all of you will still be getting jars of the mystery parts and hugh discounts on North Korean electronics. 

Alright Fred. It’s been great having you here because THIS IS YOUR LIFE. 

Fred stumbles out of the building thinking that the colonoscopy went well.