ABOUT AN OAK TREE 

--Chad, I want to talk to you about an oak tree 

--Really? 

--Yep, if you see an oak tree today, what will that oak tree be tomorrow? 

--Is this a trick question? 

--No, what will it be? 

--It will be the same thing-an oak tree 

--So, you’re saying that there is little chance that the oak tree will somehow morph into an elm tree or a pine tree or some other tree? 

--I still think that this is a trick question and that you’re messing with me, but no I don’t think the oak will somehow change into some other kind of tree 

We agree on that. The oak tree will always be an oak tree 

--What if someone cuts it down? 

--Now you’re messing with me. Here is the point. If you know that the oak tree will always remain an oak tree, why would you think or hope or believe that your boss or your wife or neighbor will change-will morph into someone different from who they are? 

--People do change you know 

--OK, that’s possible. Yet, it’s only a very small percentage of people who make any significant change in what Ill call their essence-their personality, their values, their beliefs, their attitudes. People are resistant to change, incredibly resistant to change. Now most people very frequently try to change other people, their boss, their wife etc., but how often does that work? 

The employee is trying to get her boss to recognize her talents. The wife is trying to get her husband to more freely express his feelings. The neighbor is trying to get his neighbors to make less noise in the evenings. The President is trying to get another country’s President to promote more tourism and investment in his country. The prison guard is trying to get prisoners to be more cooperative. And on and on it goes. It’s not like the oak tree 

--That’s pessimistic Joe 

--Yes, but I think it’s true. Most people think they have the power to change other people- to have much more control or influence over others than they really have, yet they keep trying. Isn’t it like trying to move a boulder that is much to heavy for you to move? 

I believe what Ive been saying and yet I still try to get my wife to drive more slowly, take more vacation time off work, and buy the new computer she is always talking about. She listens but does none of those things 

What’s wrong with all of us? 

Joe, it’s like my therapist always tells me. Only I can really change me 

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